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Jokes Quotes and Sayings
Quotes about Jokes

Please enjoy these Jokes Quotes from the wise, the romantic, and the famous of the past and present.

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Related topics: Cute Whimsey Friendship Relationship

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...
and I also know that I'm not blonde.
- Dolly Parton

I don't make jokes.
I just watch the government and report the facts.
- Will Rogers

I think repeating yourself is a sign of old age,
telling the same joke again and again.
Especially if they're jokes that don't make people laugh.
- Simon Le Bon

 

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy,
and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
- Kathy Griffin

Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able
to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before.
We can actually finish jokes.
- Aries Spears

I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes.
I want my life to mean something.
- Steve Harvey

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You can't just yell jokes at people.
- David Cross

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
- Dylan Moran

I guess I'm like Roger Miller who used to say that
he didn't have as many jokes as he thought he did.
- Glen Campbell

I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character,
the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes.
- Neil LaBute

My dog was with me all the time.
I talked to my dog.
She was my best buddy.
I shared all my secrets with her, but I don't think
I every really tried jokes out with the dog.
- Cathy Guisewite

I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave.
I'm just a regular boy who goofs around,
pulls pranks, and makes jokes.
That doesn't sound very hot to me.
- Jensen Ackles

When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school
because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.
- Megan Fox

Don't make jokes about food.
- David Lean

I guess they're tough jokes.
But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at.
And you just can't cry.
- Sam Kinison

When my mother died, I had to go on air that night and do jokes.
- Graham Kennedy

I try to exist in a world where there is freedom of opinion,
where you're allowed to make jokes.
I don't want to live in some PC world where no-one's allowed to say anything.
- Boy George

Perhaps our Irish friends should not so completely
turn their backs on their historical dishes,
no matter how many jokes they might have to endure.
- Nick Clooney

I crack jokes and play games and that's really more
my nature than being cold.
- Bernhard Langer

Jokes are grievances.
- Marshall McLuhan

Everyone for the most part is really nice.
There have always been jokes, but that's part of being in the spotlight.
You can't make everyone completely happy.
- Tina Yothers

You can trust a Neil Simon script.
Every dot.
Every dash; that pause means something.
He takes all the jokes out, practically.
- Hector Elizondo

In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive
thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying
to top one another with jokes when you're just hanging around.
- David Cross

Zac Efron is like a brother who's just goofy and crazy.
He plays a lot of practical jokes.
- Ashley Tisdale

I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.
- Drew Carey

People make jokes about how black people are the first ones to be killed off.
- Sanaa Lathan

Some of those more out-there jokes were written in
the wee hours of the morning.
Somehow, they remained funny the next day.
- Seth MacFarlane

In polite society one laughs at all the jokes,
including the ones one has heard before.
- Frank Dane

It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues
if there is some dissent,
some conflict.
- Mo Rocca

It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them.
For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes,
and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.
- Brian P. Cleary

All the jokes in my films, the comedy,
they're not me, I just try to hold a big mirror up to us.
- Yahoo Serious

If you want anything done well, do it yourself.
This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.
- Bob Edwards

Soon I learned that the worse the puns and jokes,
the funnier they could be, if you knew how to deliver them.
- John Lasseter

When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly -
constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour.
It needs to be leavened with a feminine presence.
- Evan Dando

If you were on the phone with me and Tommy right now,
we would probably forget you were there,
we'd just be cracking jokes.
It's like Beavis and Butthead.
- Nikki Sixx

For every ten jokes you acquire a hundred enemies.
- Laurence Sterne

I can tell jokes.
I can talk to the audience.
I can relax.
I can change my songs whenever I want.
I can change the tempos.
I can change the mood, because I'm in charge.
- Robert Goulet

Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
- George Eliot

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
- Mitch Hedberg

I've included these little jokes and mysteries in my
writing for the amusement of readers.
- Armistead Maupin

Almost anything makes me laugh, especially jokes at my own expense.
And I will never, ever admit to being ticklish anywhere.
- Judd Nelson

Jokes are better than war.
Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars.
Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.
- George Mikes

A serious and good philosophical work could be written
consisting entirely of jokes.
- Ludwig Wittgenstein

Comedy, at least the way I write comedy,
is just drama with jokes.
- Rob Walton

I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.
- Marilyn Monroe

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns.
I talk that way, so I write that way.
- Allan Sloan

When I make a book, I make it for the child and not for the parent -
no jokes in it for the parents!
- Dick Bruna

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers,
are the bond that keeps most families alive.
- Stella Benson

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use,
from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.
- Thomas Aquinas

Most jokes state a bitter truth.
- Larry Gelbart

The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change.
They stay the way they were in the past.
Look at Michael Jackson, he never evolved.
- Corey Feldman

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings.
You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.
- David Letterman

It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter.
Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation
than trying to make the English laugh.
- Malcolm Muggeridge

Writing for young children I find I often use particular
jokes with words and exaggerated,
funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex
stories for older children too.
- Margaret Mahy

I like to hold the microphone cord like this,
I pinch it together, then I let it go,
then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.
- Mitch Hedberg

If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you,
father.
- Mary Todd Lincoln

The main jokes in this film are about big things,
love and life and zombies - we all get that.
- Simon Pegg

I guess my idea of a good audience is one that's quiet and listens,
but also that's alive: they respond,
they're getting the jokes,
they're with me.
And that' s been happening.
- Dan Hicks

A civil servant doesn't make jokes.
- Eugene Ionesco

I never believe them when they say that because you
really have to sort of be aware of what's going on
in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.
- Samantha Bee

Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting,
and there is no jovial companionship equal to that
where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.
- Washington Irving

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy
of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads,
where they are safe.
- Emo Philips

It had more layers than an onion.
These writers meant business.
There was a level for everybody.
Your major could be celestial mechanics,
and there'd be celestial-mechanics jokes.
- Billy West

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee,
and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.
- Robert Frost

You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done
for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.
- Ron White

I'm from New York, I make kind of somewhat maybe lewd,
at times - maybe some would say dirty -
jokes.
But in jest.
- Sarah Michelle Gellar

The most fun I ever have is sitting in with Rick writing,
and we laugh at our own jokes.
- Adrian Edmondson

When you are in a room and your job is to write jokes 10 hours a day,
your mind starts going to strange places.
- Seth MacFarlane

Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes.
- Martin Short

I'm not a standup.
I don't really have jokes.
I don't have 10 minutes.
It took a while for me to realize this.
- Julia Sweeney


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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