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Funny Relationship Quotes

May you find some good-hearted humor in these Funny Quotes about Relationships.

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

Related topics: Friendship Relationship Cute Whimsey Funny Live-By

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

 

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

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At the beginning, we are in relationship
because we are attracted to the other person -
we think they are sexy, smart, funny,
whatever it is that we find appealing.
But very quickly, the focus of the relationship
turns to whether we feel appreciated.
If we don't feel appreciated, we don't feel loved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley

Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Even when I begin with a situation that's basically funny or sad,
I like to keep poking around in it.
I like to get into the middle of a relationship,
to explore the subtle places.
- Paul Mazursky

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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