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Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up. ...
by Garrison Keillor

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor PHOTO

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Thank you, God, for this good life
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
- Garrison Keillor

 

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
- Garrison Keillor

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a
lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
- Garrison Keillor

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table -
There's nothing wrong with them,
but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
- Garrison Keillor

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The highlight of my childhood was making my brother
laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.
- Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that,
everyone chortles.
- Garrison Keillor

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed,
one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
- Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
- Garrison Keillor

I think the most un-American thing you can say is,
'You can't say that.'
- Garrison Keillor

I'm not busy...
a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't
think my schedule looked so busy.
- Garrison Keillor

Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and
the decades cannot improve.
- Garrison Keillor

A minister has to be able to read a clock.
At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast
and get the peas out of the freezer.
- Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory,
like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
- Garrison Keillor

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
- Garrison Keillor

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire.
With air conditioning their windows were shut,
they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
- Garrison Keillor

I want to resume the life of a shy person.
- Garrison Keillor

They say such nice things about people at their funerals
that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
- Garrison Keillor

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong,
all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
- Garrison Keillor

A book is a gift you can open again and again.
- Garrison Keillor

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye,
and deny it.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.
They seem not to notice us, hovering,
averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks,
but what we do for them is never wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you
wanted but getting what you have,
which once you have got it you may be smart enough
to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
- Garrison Keillor

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

As the only woman, I was able to sit with the officers in front,
with a glass of vodka in one hand and a cucumber in the other.
That's how I went to my first war.
- Asne Seierstad

I believe that if life gives you lemons,
you should make lemonade...
And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka,
and have a party.
- Ron White

I'm a hypochondriac.
Yesterday it was brain damage from the vodka the night before.
Today, heart attack - my arm and chest started hurting at the same time.
- Lisa Marie Presley

I'm not against vodka - they just asked us.
They put out some story about us entertaining international celebrities with vodka,
which of course wasn't true.
- Robin Day

The relationship between a Russian and a bottle of
vodka is almost mystical.
- Richard Owen

I have a punishing workout regimen.
Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill,
then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette.
- Anthony Hopkins

Money, like vodka, turns a person into an eccentric.
- Anton Chekhov

Once we hit forty, women only have about four taste buds left:
one for vodka,
one for wine, one for cheese, and one for chocolate.
- Gina Barreca

We used to get published a lot.
And there was this vodka advertisement...
it embarrassed me a lot afterwards.
- Robin Day

Whiskey's to tough, Champagne costs too much,
Vodka puts my mouth in gear.
I hope this refrain, Will help me explain,
As a matter of fact, I like beer.
- Tom T. Hall

I still drink vodka; I'm not an advocate of drinking,
but I'm no angel.
I don't like grass, because it just makes me hungry.
- Calvin Klein

Any attempts at humor immediately after September 11th were deemed tasteless.
- Allen Klein

The only thing that counts is if you know how to prepare your ingredients.
Even if with the best and freshest ingredients in the world,
if your dish is tasteless or burnt, it's ruined.
- Martin Yan

Inject a few raisins of conversation into the tasteless dough of existence.
- O. Henry

The food in such places is so tasteless because the
members associate spices and garlic with just the sort
of people they're trying to keep out.
- Calvin Trillin

Health is the soul that animates all the enjoyments of life,
which fade and are tasteless without it.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Footprints in the sands of time...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Why are you going there?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you don't know where you're going,
any road will take you there.
- Lewis Carroll
(Alice in Wonderland)

The world is perfect. It's a mess.
It has always been a mess.
We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
- Joseph Campbell

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing,
of just going along,
listening to all the things you can't hear,
and not bothering.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

Success consists of going from failure to failure
without loss of enthusiasm.
- Winston Churchill
(also quoted as: "Courage is going from failure to failure
without losing enthusiasm."

Find a time and place of solitude.
Look into the distance, and into the future.
Visualize the tomorrow you are going to build -
and begin to build that tomorrow, today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you
it's going to be a butterfly.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

When you see someone putting on his Big Boots,
you can be pretty sure that an Adventure is going to happen.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach

Going nowhere faster will not get you somewhere.
- Alan Cohen

A true friend never gets in your way
unless you happen to be going down.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Feeling overwhelmed by apparent demands on our time
is like going to a restaurant,
ordering everything on the menu,
and complaining about indigestion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear
to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.
- Sylvester Stallone

If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra

It is by going down into the abyss
that we recover the treasures of life.
Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.
- Joseph Campbell

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.
- Winston Churchill

We are tied to the ocean.
And when we go back to the sea,
whether it is to sail or to watch -
we are going back from whence we came.
- John F. Kennedy

Nothing is ever going to work out the way you want,
so you may as well choose to want the way life does work out.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The big question is whether you are going to be able
to say a hearty yes to your adventure.
- Joseph Campbell

Not everyone is always going to like what you do.
Your job application, your book proposal,
your offer of marriage is going to
get rejected sometimes - perhaps often.
Your boss, your spouse, even the person
behind you in the supermarket checkout line
is occasionally going to think that you are doing it all wrong.
Don't take it personally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Once you say you're going to settle for second,
that's what happens to you in life.
- John F. Kennedy

When I am getting ready to reason with a man,
I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself
and what I am going to say
and two-thirds about him and what he is going to say.
- Abraham Lincoln

Do not quit!
Hundreds of times I have watched people throw in the
towel at the one-yard line while someone else comes
along and makes a fortune by just going that extra yard.
- E. Joseph Cossman

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
- Joseph P. Kennedy

You don't get to choose how you're going to die,
only how you're going to live.
- Joan Baez

Don't talk about what you have done
or what you are going to do.
- Thomas Jefferson

Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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