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Staying married may have long-term benefits.
by P. J. O'Rourke

Staying married may have long-term benefits.
You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over
a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Related topics: Marriage

Giving money and power to government is like giving
whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration,
the rich will pay for everything.
The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration,
you're rich.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Feeling good about government is like looking on the
bright side of any catastrophe.
When you quit looking on the bright side,
the catastrophe is still there.
- P. J. O'Rourke

 

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation,
the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never wear anything that panics the cat.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Every government is a parliament of whores.
The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
- P. J. O'Rourke

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Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You know your children are growing up when they stop
asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer,
a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights.
Politics are a lousy way to get things done.
Politics are, like God's infinite mercy,
a last resort.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You may be surprised to discover you're rich,
especially if you're broke.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There is only one basic human right,
the right to do as you damn well please.
And with it comes the only basic human duty,
the duty to take the consequences.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health,
slow your mind, make you fat - in other words,
turn you into an adult.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Whatever it is that the government does,
sensible Americans would prefer that the government
does it to somebody else.
This is the idea behind foreign policy.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk.
This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve,
when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Always read something that will make you look good
if you die in the middle of it.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure,
are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody knows how to raise children,
except the people who have them.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern,
like bad wallpaper.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts;
the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting
dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Children must be considered in a divorce considered
valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes.
And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Even very young children need to be informed about dying.
Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child.
This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose
with the exception of guppies,
who like to eat theirs.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools -
and use it on the teachers.
- P. J. O'Rourke

A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative.
Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.
- P. J. O'Rourke

America wasn't founded so that we could all be better.
America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There is one thing women can never take away from men.
We die sooner.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter,
taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn.
The Republicans are the party that says government
doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery
when they aren't present.
- P. J. O'Rourke

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and
left off for the rest of your life.
Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There's one more terrifying fact about old people:
I'm going to be one soon.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The Clinton administration launched an attack on people
in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns.
Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns.
Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
- P. J. O'Rourke

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents,
worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office.
And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society.
If we're looking for the source of our troubles,
we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity,
ignorance, greed and love of power.
- P. J. O'Rourke

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a
party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself;
if that were their sole purpose,
they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look.
It works in reverse, too.
When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose,
I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
- P. J. O'Rourke

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience."
Then again,
I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience."
It makes me feel less stupid.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Commitment cannot be taught;
it can only be caught.
I refer to the crusading spirit.
Without the crusading spirit,
you may have the starting power
but not the staying power.
- Jimmy Yen

A year ago I had a back injury and followed a good
nutrition program to help speed up my recovery.
I focused on exercise and staying healthy in order
to get back out on the ice.
- Sasha Cohen

Music's staying power is a function of how timeless the lyrics,
song and production are.
- Gary Wright

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.
- Jane Austen

Some people are willing to pay the price and it's the
same with staying healthy or eating healthy.
There's some discipline involved.
There's some sacrifices.
- Mike Ditka

Love is staying up all night with a sick child -
or a healthy adult.
- David Frost

Unlike any other time in our history,
we have to know that staying in school and getting
an education is the most important thing you can do.
- Alexis Herman

I'd like to find great roles close to home and work
on great projects while staying near my family.
My family's the most important thing to me right now.
- Harry Hamlin

Me and Jerry left because we felt we weren't getting
anywhere playing our old songs in tiny clubs.
The group was getting stale and staying behind the times.
- Johnny Thunders

Me, I'd prefer to have a good reputation rather than
getting press for being scandalous,
getting drunk in public, staying out late and so on.
- Sophia Bush

HBO is really famous for hiring good people and staying
out of their way until they ask for help,
or need it.
And that reputation is earned.
- Richard Russo

What's the point of staying sober?
- Oliver Reed

I plan on staying at Alabama for the rest of my career.
I guarantee that I'll be here for you through it all,
regardless of what happens.
- Bear Bryant

I've always loved films, always.
I studied literature and I went to Columbia in New
York and I went to Paris for part of one year and ended up staying there.
- Jim Jarmusch

If I feel strongly, I say it.
I know I can do more good by being vocal than by staying quiet.
I'd have a whole lot more money if I lied,
but I wouldn't enjoy spending it.
- Martina Navratilova

I'll never forget that show season.
It was completely mad.
I was staying between Christy and Naomi's rooms and
it was all limos and the Ritz Hotel and all that kind of business.
- Kate Moss

Staying focused is hard work and staying married is even harder.
- Crystal Gayle

You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.
- Booker T. Washington

The secret of staying young is to live honestly,
eat slowly, and lie about your age.
- Lucille Ball

I'm concentrating on staying healthy,
having peace, being happy, remembering what is important,
taking in nature and animals, spending time reading,
trying to understand the universe, where science and the spiritual meet.
- Joan Jett

Just when did I get to the point when staying at a hotel wasn't fun?
- Ira Glass

If you cannot work on the marriage or the women is a moron,
staying married and cheating makes the most sense because
divorce is disruptive to the family life and your bank account.
- Al Goldstein


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May the world be kind to you,
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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