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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college. ...
by P. J. O'Rourke

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
- P. J. O'Rourke

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation,
the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Every government is a parliament of whores.
The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never wear anything that panics the cat.
- P. J. O'Rourke

 

Feeling good about government is like looking on the
bright side of any catastrophe.
When you quit looking on the bright side,
the catastrophe is still there.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration,
the rich will pay for everything.
The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration,
you're rich.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Staying married may have long-term benefits.
You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over
a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
- P. J. O'Rourke

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Giving money and power to government is like giving
whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Whatever it is that the government does,
sensible Americans would prefer that the government
does it to somebody else.
This is the idea behind foreign policy.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery
when they aren't present.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes.
And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
- P. J. O'Rourke

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and
left off for the rest of your life.
Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer,
a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health,
slow your mind, make you fat - in other words,
turn you into an adult.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights.
Politics are a lousy way to get things done.
Politics are, like God's infinite mercy,
a last resort.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody knows how to raise children,
except the people who have them.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk.
This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve,
when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting
dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There is one thing women can never take away from men.
We die sooner.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern,
like bad wallpaper.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter,
taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn.
The Republicans are the party that says government
doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Even very young children need to be informed about dying.
Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child.
This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You know your children are growing up when they stop
asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Children must be considered in a divorce considered
valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.
- P. J. O'Rourke

A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative.
Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools -
and use it on the teachers.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose
with the exception of guppies,
who like to eat theirs.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There is only one basic human right,
the right to do as you damn well please.
And with it comes the only basic human duty,
the duty to take the consequences.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure,
are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts;
the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There's one more terrifying fact about old people:
I'm going to be one soon.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You may be surprised to discover you're rich,
especially if you're broke.
- P. J. O'Rourke

America wasn't founded so that we could all be better.
America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Always read something that will make you look good
if you die in the middle of it.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look.
It works in reverse, too.
When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose,
I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
- P. J. O'Rourke

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents,
worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office.
And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
- P. J. O'Rourke

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience."
Then again,
I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience."
It makes me feel less stupid.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The Clinton administration launched an attack on people
in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns.
Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns.
Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
- P. J. O'Rourke

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society.
If we're looking for the source of our troubles,
we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity,
ignorance, greed and love of power.
- P. J. O'Rourke

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a
party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself;
if that were their sole purpose,
they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Run a home like you would a small business and treat
it with the same seriousness.
- Anthea Turner

Seriousness is a sickness; your sense of humor
makes you more human, more humble.
The sense of humor - according to me -
is one of the most essential parts of religiousness.
- Osho

The President is not squaring with the American people
as to the seriousness of our nation's fiscal condition.
It is time for people to stand up and tell the truth.
- Kent Conrad

Go on, then, and let your intent be seriousness.
- Donald Cargill

Advertising treats all products with the reverence
and the seriousness due to sacraments.
- Thomas Merton

If you can get humor and seriousness at the same time,
you've created a special little thing,
and that's what I'm looking for, because if you get pompous,
you lose everything.
- Paul Simon

Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play.
- Heraclitus

First, Resolve upon, and daily endeavour to practise,
a life of seriousness and strict sobriety.
- David Brainerd

Men are convinced of your arguments,
your sincerity,
and the seriousness of your efforts only by your death.
- Albert Camus

Living is no laughing matter: you must live with great
seriousness like a squirrel for example -
I mean without looking for something beyond and above living,
I mean living must be your whole occupation.
- Nazim Hikmet

You can't think about how people will perceive you or your character.
All you can do is focus on your work.
The rest is up to the universe.
I've been acting for 16 years.
I've done 55 movies and, in all seriousness,
there's maybe five that are good and the rest are crap.
- Robert Patrick

In my view, there is nothing more vicious and outrageous than the abuse,
exploitation and harm of the most vulnerable members of our society,
and I firmly believe that our nation's laws and resources
need to reflect the seriousness of these terrible crimes.
- Bob Ney

It is not so important to be serious as it is to be
serious about the important things.
The monkey wears an expression of seriousness which
would do credit to any college student,
but the monkey is serious because he itches.
- Robert M. Hutchins

In the past week it has become clear that the vote
on the final healthcare bill will be very close.
I take this vote with the utmost seriousness.
I am quite aware of the historic fight that has lasted
the better part of the last century to bring America
in line with other modern democracies in providing
single payer health care.
- Dennis Kucinich

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Stupidity is also a gift of God,
but one mustn't misuse it.
- Pope John Paul II

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous
than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The difference between stupidity and genius
is that genius has its limits.
- Albert Einstein

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind;
the lawyer all the wickedness,
the theologian all the stupidity.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

War means blind obedience, unthinking stupidity,
brutish callousness, wanton destruction,
and irresponsible murder.
- Alexander Berkman

Never attribute to malice, that which can be reasonably explained by stupidity.
- Spider Robinson


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