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There is only one basic human right,
by P. J. O'Rourke

There is only one basic human right,
the right to do as you damn well please.
And with it comes the only basic human duty,
the duty to take the consequences.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration,
the rich will pay for everything.
The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration,
you're rich.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Every government is a parliament of whores.
The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
- P. J. O'Rourke

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation,
the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
- P. J. O'Rourke

 

Giving money and power to government is like giving
whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Feeling good about government is like looking on the
bright side of any catastrophe.
When you quit looking on the bright side,
the catastrophe is still there.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never wear anything that panics the cat.
- P. J. O'Rourke

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Staying married may have long-term benefits.
You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over
a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Always read something that will make you look good
if you die in the middle of it.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer,
a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
- P. J. O'Rourke

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and
left off for the rest of your life.
Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
- P. J. O'Rourke

A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative.
Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools -
and use it on the teachers.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern,
like bad wallpaper.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You may be surprised to discover you're rich,
especially if you're broke.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights.
Politics are a lousy way to get things done.
Politics are, like God's infinite mercy,
a last resort.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You know your children are growing up when they stop
asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health,
slow your mind, make you fat - in other words,
turn you into an adult.
- P. J. O'Rourke

America wasn't founded so that we could all be better.
America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Whatever it is that the government does,
sensible Americans would prefer that the government
does it to somebody else.
This is the idea behind foreign policy.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There is one thing women can never take away from men.
We die sooner.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk.
This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve,
when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts;
the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Even very young children need to be informed about dying.
Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child.
This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure,
are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery
when they aren't present.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody knows how to raise children,
except the people who have them.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter,
taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn.
The Republicans are the party that says government
doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes.
And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There's one more terrifying fact about old people:
I'm going to be one soon.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Children must be considered in a divorce considered
valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting
dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose
with the exception of guppies,
who like to eat theirs.
- P. J. O'Rourke

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents,
worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office.
And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
- P. J. O'Rourke

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a
party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself;
if that were their sole purpose,
they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The Clinton administration launched an attack on people
in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns.
Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns.
Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
- P. J. O'Rourke

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society.
If we're looking for the source of our troubles,
we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity,
ignorance, greed and love of power.
- P. J. O'Rourke

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience."
Then again,
I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience."
It makes me feel less stupid.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look.
It works in reverse, too.
When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose,
I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

People only see what they are prepared to see.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry. Don't worry.
And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
- Walter Hagen

There are no facts, only interpretations.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke

Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha

Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was,
Thank you, that would suffice.
- Meister Eckhart

Life is an adventure.
I can only wonder what treasure
awaits at the top of the path.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Choose Inner Peace.
Nothing is worth losing your inner peace.
Take action as circumstances require,
but never surrender your inner peace.
Stop. Breathe deeply.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply again.
Then, and only then, take action -
from a peaceful heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis

Miracles are the natural way of the Universe -
our only job is to move our doubting minds aside
and let the miracles flow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
- Robert F. Kennedy

We were given:
Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.
For us to find.
- Anonymous

Universal compassion is the only guarantee of morality.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

Imagine all the people living life in peace.
You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us,
and the world will be as one.
- John Lennon

Majority rule only works if you're also
considering individual rights,
because you can't have five wolves and one sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
- Larry Flynt

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar


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May the world be kind to you,
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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