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There's one more terrifying fact about old people:
by P. J. O'Rourke

There's one more terrifying fact about old people:
I'm going to be one soon.
- P. J. O'Rourke

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation,
the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Every government is a parliament of whores.
The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never wear anything that panics the cat.
- P. J. O'Rourke

 

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration,
the rich will pay for everything.
The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration,
you're rich.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Giving money and power to government is like giving
whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Feeling good about government is like looking on the
bright side of any catastrophe.
When you quit looking on the bright side,
the catastrophe is still there.
- P. J. O'Rourke

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Staying married may have long-term benefits.
You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over
a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
- P. J. O'Rourke

America wasn't founded so that we could all be better.
America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
- P. J. O'Rourke

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and
left off for the rest of your life.
Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There is only one basic human right,
the right to do as you damn well please.
And with it comes the only basic human duty,
the duty to take the consequences.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You know your children are growing up when they stop
asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting
dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Children must be considered in a divorce considered
valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights.
Politics are a lousy way to get things done.
Politics are, like God's infinite mercy,
a last resort.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You may be surprised to discover you're rich,
especially if you're broke.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Even very young children need to be informed about dying.
Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child.
This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools -
and use it on the teachers.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose
with the exception of guppies,
who like to eat theirs.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Always read something that will make you look good
if you die in the middle of it.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There is one thing women can never take away from men.
We die sooner.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
- P. J. O'Rourke

A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative.
Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern,
like bad wallpaper.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes.
And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health,
slow your mind, make you fat - in other words,
turn you into an adult.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk.
This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve,
when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Whatever it is that the government does,
sensible Americans would prefer that the government
does it to somebody else.
This is the idea behind foreign policy.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer,
a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter,
taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn.
The Republicans are the party that says government
doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts;
the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody knows how to raise children,
except the people who have them.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure,
are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery
when they aren't present.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
- P. J. O'Rourke

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents,
worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office.
And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
- P. J. O'Rourke

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a
party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself;
if that were their sole purpose,
they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The Clinton administration launched an attack on people
in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns.
Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns.
Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
- P. J. O'Rourke

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society.
If we're looking for the source of our troubles,
we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity,
ignorance, greed and love of power.
- P. J. O'Rourke

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience."
Then again,
I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience."
It makes me feel less stupid.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look.
It works in reverse, too.
When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose,
I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe

Don't let one cloud obliterate the whole sky.
- Anais Nin

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow

I am one with the Earth,
with the Water, with the Fire,
with the Air that I breathe,
with all Living Things,
and we are all one with Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Try a new perspective on diversity.
Across the country and around the world,
we are all one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Individually, we are one drop.
Together, we are an ocean.
- Ryunosuke Satoro

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen

Drop the sword - for there is but one flesh to wound,
and it is the one flesh of all humankind.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

My Loved One
You are my ground and you are my rainbow.
You are my butterfly and you are my ecstasy.
You are the start of my journeys and always my destination.
You are my home - the place to which I always return.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children,
to leave the world a better place,
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived,
this is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
- Anais Nin

A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth (John 13:34)

This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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