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We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
by Garrison Keillor

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
- Garrison Keillor

 

Thank you, God, for this good life
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
- Garrison Keillor

I'm not busy...
a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't
think my schedule looked so busy.
- Garrison Keillor

A book is a gift you can open again and again.
- Garrison Keillor

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Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.
- Garrison Keillor

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye,
and deny it.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.
They seem not to notice us, hovering,
averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks,
but what we do for them is never wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

I want to resume the life of a shy person.
- Garrison Keillor

A minister has to be able to read a clock.
At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast
and get the peas out of the freezer.
- Garrison Keillor

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a
lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
- Garrison Keillor

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire.
With air conditioning their windows were shut,
they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
- Garrison Keillor

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
- Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that,
everyone chortles.
- Garrison Keillor

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother
laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.
- Garrison Keillor

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table -
There's nothing wrong with them,
but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
- Garrison Keillor

I think the most un-American thing you can say is,
'You can't say that.'
- Garrison Keillor

Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and
the decades cannot improve.
- Garrison Keillor

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong,
all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
- Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory,
like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
- Garrison Keillor

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
- Garrison Keillor

They say such nice things about people at their funerals
that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
- Garrison Keillor

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed,
one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
- Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you
wanted but getting what you have,
which once you have got it you may be smart enough
to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
- Garrison Keillor

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln

It is nearly a certainty that some
of your expectations will not be met today -
choose Joy anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nearly everything you do is of no importance,
but it is important that you do it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
- Mark Twain

How is it that one rails against that
which is nearly a certainty?
- Mary Anne Radmacher

A moderate addiction to money may not always be hurtful;
but when taken in excess it is nearly always bad for the health.
- Clarence Day

Nearly all the Brazilian supporters are wearing yellow shirts -
it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour.
- John Motson

When you are forty, half of you belongs to the past...
And when you are seventy, nearly all of you.
- Jean Anouilh

As an actress, emotions are my business,
my stock-in-trade.
As such, I've dealt with them nearly all my life.
- Loretta Young

To the scientist there is the joy in pursuing truth
which nearly counteracts the depressing revelations of truth.
- H. P. Lovecraft

In nearly all ballads, the words set the mood and meaning,
while the music intensifies or enhances them.
- Kate Smith

In truth, politeness is artificial good humor,
it covers the natural want of it,
and ends by rendering habitual a substitute
nearly equivalent to the real virtue.
- Thomas Jefferson

It is a common enough case, that of a man being suddenly
captivated by a woman nearly the opposite of his ideal.
- George Eliot

I would do anything for a part, nearly anything.
Being in movies doesn't mean being pretty.
- Diane Kruger

I find it shameful that in nearly all the universities of Europe,
Palestinian students sponsor and nurture anti-Semitism.
- Oriana Fallaci

Nearly every man who develops an idea works it up to
the point where it looks impossible,
and then he gets discouraged.
That's not the place to become discouraged.
- Thomas A. Edison

Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play.
- Heraclitus

With nearly 20 days until Iraq emerges as a free sovereign
state for the first time in more than three decades,
terrorists have increasingly targeted our country's infrastructure.
- Iyad Allawi

Nearly all the things I do that are of any merit at
all start off just being good fun,
and I think I'm sort of building up to doing something else quite soon.
- Brian Eno

I wrote for nearly six hours.
When I stopped, the dark mood, as if by magic,
had folded its cloak and gone away.
- Zane Grey

It is indeed an odd business that it has taken this
Court nearly two centuries to "discover" a constitutional
mandate to have counsel at a preliminary hearing.
- Warren E. Burger

I play a scientist in a futuristic world in which 99%
of the men have been wiped out.
As a result, the women are nearly all homosexuals and the children are cloned.
- Julie Bowen

And we'd drink huge amounts of scotch and coke,
which is a ghastly sweet drink...
And now people don't drink nearly as much,
for good reason.
We're all a little wiser.
- Bill Bruford

In 2001, America 's hospitals provided nearly $21 billion
in uncompensated health care services.
- Gary Miller

Why is it not just as likely that there were as many
small general nearly at first as now,
and as great a disproportion in the number of their species?
- Asa Gray

Nearly all our originality comes from the stamp that
time impresses upon our sensibility.
- Charles Baudelaire

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

Nearly 30,000 fans turned out to support the tribute
match and provide one of the best atmospheres at the ground for ages.
I was so happy to be part of it.
- David Ginola

Mistrust first impulses; they are nearly always good.
- Charles Maurice de Talleyrand

Diplomacy means the art of nearly deceiving all your friends,
but not quite deceiving all your enemies.
- Kofi Busia

We have had virtually unlimited access to abortion for nearly twenty years.
Yet during that same period, more and more women and
children have slipped into poverty.
- Robert Casey

But I remember we sold nearly 18,000 records in one day.
- Neil Innes

It is very nearly impossible...
to become an educated person in a country so distrustful of the independent mind.
- James A. Baldwin

In addition, California spends nearly $1 billion a
year in Medi-Cal services for an average of 780,000
illegal immigrants a month,
over and above emergency health services.
- Elton Gallegly

And help us, this and every day, to live more nearly as we pray.
- John Keble

Aggression is the most common behavior used by many organizations,
a nearly invisible medium that influences all decisions and actions.
- Margaret J. Wheatley

I hesitated, too, because for better or worse,
I have been one of the principal architects of New
Labour and I have worked closely with Tony Blair and
the team for nearly 20 years.
- Peter Mandelson

Linux evolved in a completely different way.
From nearly the beginning, it was rather casually hacked
on by huge numbers of volunteers coordinating only through the Internet.
- Eric S. Raymond

No one will ever know what 'In Cold Blood' took out of me.
It scraped me right down to the marrow of my bones.
It nearly killed me.
I think, in a way, it did kill me.
- Truman Capote

It's estimated for every $1 billion we spend on road construction,
nearly 48,000 jobs are created.
- Dennis Hastert

Let it be remembered, too, that at a time of war,
nearly every one is under great strain.
- William Lyon Mackenzie King

Nearly every country in the world is now becoming industrialized as rapidly as it can.
- John Boyd Orr

Most Americans have some experience with nursing homes
or other long term care settings,
and nearly half have had a family member or close friend
in a home in the past three years.
- Michael Burgess

People nearly always believe, and are willing to back
it up with weapons and cruelty,
that their religion and way of life is better than the other person's.
- Caroline B. Cooney


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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