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A minister has to be able to read a clock.
by Garrison Keillor

A minister has to be able to read a clock.
At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast
and get the peas out of the freezer.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor PHOTO

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
- Garrison Keillor

 

Thank you, God, for this good life
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
- Garrison Keillor

I think the most un-American thing you can say is,
'You can't say that.'
- Garrison Keillor

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed,
one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
- Garrison Keillor

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They say such nice things about people at their funerals
that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
- Garrison Keillor

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.
- Garrison Keillor

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
- Garrison Keillor

A book is a gift you can open again and again.
- Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory,
like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
- Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire.
With air conditioning their windows were shut,
they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
- Garrison Keillor

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother
laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.
- Garrison Keillor

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a
lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
- Garrison Keillor

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
- Garrison Keillor

Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and
the decades cannot improve.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.
They seem not to notice us, hovering,
averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks,
but what we do for them is never wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table -
There's nothing wrong with them,
but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
- Garrison Keillor

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong,
all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
- Garrison Keillor

I'm not busy...
a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't
think my schedule looked so busy.
- Garrison Keillor

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye,
and deny it.
- Garrison Keillor

I want to resume the life of a shy person.
- Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that,
everyone chortles.
- Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you
wanted but getting what you have,
which once you have got it you may be smart enough
to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
- Garrison Keillor

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

It is my desire, in the office of a Christian minister,
to do nothing which I cannot do with my whole heart.
Having said this, I have said all.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

My father was an Episcopalian minister,
and I've always been comforted by the power of prayer.
- Anna Lee

When I was three, I wanted to be four.
When I was four, I wanted to be prime minister.
- Jeffrey Archer

It was announced as a French victory by the French Minister of War.
I did not see any sign of victory but only the retreat
of the French forces engaged in the battle.
- Philip Gibbs

When the congregation becomes the norm by which sermons are measured,
a minister has put a mortgage on his soul.
- Ralph W. Sockman

First, I was Bavarian State Minister of Justice,
and after the ministries of justice in the various
states were dissolved I became Reich Minister without portfolio.
- Hans Frank

The responsibility of a minister is to step aside when
there is a criminal investigation of the department.
That protects the propriety of Parliament and of responsible government.
- Jack Layton

My ordination in the Church of God in Christ was at age 9,
and I later became a Baptist minister,
which I am today.
- Al Sharpton

The Prime Minister has an absolute genius for putting
flamboyant labels on empty luggage.
- Aneurin Bevan

What a holler would ensue if people had to pay the
minister as much to marry them as they have to pay
a lawyer to get them a divorce.
- Claire Trevor

No, I've never truly been a minister.
- Little Richard

I am not a newcomer, you know, so I want to be judged
for what I did when I was prime minister last time
in Italy and president of the European Commission for more than five years.
- Romano Prodi

I'm not a minister, I'm not a philosopher,
I'm not a politician, I'm in another category.
- Sun Ra

In Yugoslavia, I'd asked for additional forces too.
I even went to meet the French prime minister,
and I proposed additional forces...
Nobody wanted to send troops.
- Boutros Boutros-Ghali

My ministry's always been one of social activism.
I think a responsible minister must be at some levels
involved in the social order.
- Al Sharpton

My mom was sarcastic about men.
She would tell me Adam was the rough draft and Eve was the final product.
She was a feminist minister, an earth mom who wore a bra only on Sundays.
- Daphne Zuniga

The whole of the situation of the Conservative Party
today springs from that night when they dismissed the
best prime minister the country had had since Churchill.
- Denis Thatcher

If the prime minister really believes it,
he must be the only person left who thinks that the
recent bombs in London had no connection at all with his policy in Iraq.
- Kenneth Clarke

An ignorance of means may minister to greatness,
but an ignorance of aims make it impossible to be great at all.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

If your only objective is to be popular,
you're going to be popular but you will be known as
the Prime Minister who achieved nothing.
- Brian Mulroney

Of course I'd have loved to be Prime Minister.
But I'm not nursing a grievance.
- Kenneth Clarke

There are in most states one or two ministers of war,
one of whom is the minister of naval affairs.
- Fredrik Bajer

It is not right for any country, for any president,
for any prime minister to act as a prefect on the affairs of Zimbabwe.
- Levy Mwanawsa

A Republican in my state of Arkansas feels about as
out of place as Michael Vick at the West Minister dog show.
- Mike Huckabee

This is not to say that the Scots are not fine people,
but they were all sort of...
well, my grandfather was a minister and sort of Protestant,
and this was rather depressing to me.
- Alan Hovhaness

True, some land was bought by a few Cabinet Ministers.
They bought the land.
No minister, to my knowledge acquired land which was meant for resettlement.
- Robert Mugabe

That is why with enormous regret I have tendered my
resignation to the prime minister today.
- David Blunkett

The Minister of Transport issued this appeal to motorists:
Can anyone give him a lift to Leicester?
- Eric Idle

I'm a minister, and I serve as a minister in addition
to being a university professor.
- Tony Campolo

I have never been bribed as a Prime Minister.
- Kamisese Mara

My grandmother was a minister as well,
which was not that common in the 1930s.
- Colin Firth

Blues means what milk does to a baby.
Blues is what the spirit is to the minister.
We sing the blues because our hearts have been hurt,
our souls have been disturbed.
- Alberta Hunter

I wasn't allowed to go to movies when I was kid;
my father was a minister.
101 Dalmatians and King of Kings, that was the extent of it.
- Denzel Washington

You see, I was the son of a baptist minister.
- DeForest Kelley

Being prime minister is a lonely job...
you cannot lead from the crowd.
- Margaret Thatcher

I'd be prouder still to say I was Canada's 10th woman prime minister.
- Kim Campbell

I'm simply saying that there are advantages in sending
a skilled diplomat who can always say,
'I'll get back to you on that, Mr. Minister'.
- Theodore C. Sorensen

I want to try and do as much as I can as an actor.
So far I think I've done pretty well with being a minister's son.
And now I know I'm pretty darn good at playing a woman too.
- Barry Watson

An interim government was set up in Afghanistan.
It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women's Affairs.
Man, who'd she have to show here ankles to to get that job?
- Tina Fey

No minister ever stood, or could stand,
against public opinion.
- Robert Peel

What do you do if you are asked to do a job,
first by the Prime Minister, and then by the King? How can you refuse?
- Lord Mountbatten

I think the Prime Minister has embarked on a journey
and he has no idea where he's taking us.
- John Hewson

In all my activities as Armament Minister I never once visited a labor camp,
and cannot, therefore, give any information about them.
- Albert Speer

Our first Prime Minister saw a country that would be
known for its generosity of spirit.
And so it is.
- Kim Campbell


Thank you for visiting: A minister has to be able to read a clock. by Garrison Keillor.

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