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A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table -
by Garrison Keillor

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table -
There's nothing wrong with them,
but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor PHOTO

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Thank you, God, for this good life
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
- Garrison Keillor

 

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
- Garrison Keillor

They say such nice things about people at their funerals
that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.
They seem not to notice us, hovering,
averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks,
but what we do for them is never wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

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Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye,
and deny it.
- Garrison Keillor

I'm not busy...
a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't
think my schedule looked so busy.
- Garrison Keillor

I think the most un-American thing you can say is,
'You can't say that.'
- Garrison Keillor

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire.
With air conditioning their windows were shut,
they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
- Garrison Keillor

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
- Garrison Keillor

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a
lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
- Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that,
everyone chortles.
- Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory,
like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
- Garrison Keillor

Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and
the decades cannot improve.
- Garrison Keillor

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
- Garrison Keillor

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.
- Garrison Keillor

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong,
all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
- Garrison Keillor

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother
laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.
- Garrison Keillor

A minister has to be able to read a clock.
At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast
and get the peas out of the freezer.
- Garrison Keillor

A book is a gift you can open again and again.
- Garrison Keillor

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed,
one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
- Garrison Keillor

I want to resume the life of a shy person.
- Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you
wanted but getting what you have,
which once you have got it you may be smart enough
to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
- Garrison Keillor

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl
is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
- Albert Einstein

The girl of my dreams is my mother's shadow,
cast upon the distant movie screen of my future.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Hang tough... big girl panties today.
- Anonymous humor

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love,
listens but doesn't believe,
and leaves before she is left.
- Marilyn Monroe

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake
of marrying the whole girl.
- Stephen Leacock

The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping
of females begins when the doctor says:
It's a girl.
- Shirley Chisholm

What is free time? I'm a single mother.
My free moments are filled with loving my little girl.
- Roma Downey

I wanted to marry a girl just like my mom.
- Michael Bergin

I have never been a material girl.
My father always told me never to love anything that cannot love you back.
- Imelda Marcos

The best money advice ever given me was from my father.
When I was a little girl, he told me,
'Don't spend anything unless you have to.'
- Dinah Shore

If I can't get the girl, at least give me more money.
- Alan Alda

Who would ever think that so much went on
in the soul of a young girl?
- Anne Frank

When I look in the mirror I see the girl I was when I was growing up,
with braces, crooked teeth, a baby face and a skinny body.
- Heather Locklear

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him.
After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.
- Marilyn Monroe

As a little girl I used to daydream about my real father
coming on a white horse to rescue me.
- Christine Keeler

I basically became a cheerleader because I had a very strict mom.
That was my way of being a bad girl.
- Sandra Bullock

Growing up, I wanted desperately to please,
to be a good girl.
- Claire Danes

I'm a Mommy's Girl - the strongest influence in my young life was my mom.
- Susie Bright

It's not beauty but fine qualities, my girl,
that keep a husband.
- Euripides

I sit on my duff, smoke cigarettes and watch TV.
I'm not exactly a poster girl for healthy living.
- Lexa Doig

My music, my songs are 100 percent inspired by girl power.
- Paulina Rubio

Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light
so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.
- Maurice Chevalier

I like a girl to look relaxed.
Tight jeans and rock t-shirts are cute!
- Devon Werkheiser

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl.
It said, 'Take my heart!
Take my arms!
Take my lips!' Which is just like her.
Keeping the best part for herself.
- Robert Orben

A girl didn't get an athletic scholarship until the
fall of 1972 for the very first time.
- Billie Jean King

I was the good Bond girl, but I wanted to have the
dresses and the high heels.
I wanted the funky, sexy name.
- Izabella Scorupco

I'm always the girl at the party who,
within five minutes, has taken my heels off,
hitched up my dress in my knickers, and probably spilt drink down my cleavage.
- Sadie Frost

When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of
many men for the inattention of one.
- Helen Rowland

Let any pretty girl announce a divorce in Hollywood
and the wolves come running.
Fresh meat for the beast, and they are always hungry.
- Hedy Lamarr

I'm not that girl from Freaky Friday any more!
I'm a real adult.
In fact, I hate children!
I hate them all!
- Lindsay Lohan

I'm a musician first, a food-lover second,
a dirty mouth with feet, and a girl last time I checked.
- Tori Amos

I don't know what I did in this life to deserve all of this.
I'm just a girl from a trailer park who had a dream.
- Hilary Swank

I never go outside unless I look like Joan Crawford the movie star.
If you want to see the girl next door,
go next door.
- Joan Crawford

My point is that, over the years, I've taught five
thousand people acting and lately I have a lot of energy on these kids,
having the same break I had as a high school girl.
- Sally Kirkland

How little the public realizes what a girl must go
through before she finally appears before the spotlight
that is thrown upon the stage.
- Florenz Ziegfeld

Give a girl an education and introduce her properly into the world,
and ten to one but she has the means of settling well,
without further expense to anybody.
- Jane Austen

If I fancy a girl, I'll tell her.
I'll say: 'You're fit.'
- Lee Ryan

Girls can wear jeans, cut their hair short,
wear shirts and boots, 'cause it's okay to be a boy,
but for a boy to look like a girl is degrading.
- Charlotte Gainsbourg

I doubt whether any girl would be satisfied with her
lover's mind if she knew the whole of it.
- Anthony Trollope

They had asked for me because they wanted a younger girl,
but Mum asked if she could bring Kylie along because
she didn't want there to be any jealously.
- Dannii Minogue

Somehow I kept my head above water.
I relied on the discipline, character,
and strength that I had started to develop as that
little girl in her first swimming pool.
- Esther Williams


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May the world be kind to you,
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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