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The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that,
by Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that,
everyone chortles.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor PHOTO

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
- Garrison Keillor

 

Thank you, God, for this good life
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
- Garrison Keillor

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother
laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.
- Garrison Keillor

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye,
and deny it.
- Garrison Keillor

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I think the most un-American thing you can say is,
'You can't say that.'
- Garrison Keillor

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.
- Garrison Keillor

They say such nice things about people at their funerals
that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
- Garrison Keillor

I'm not busy...
a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't
think my schedule looked so busy.
- Garrison Keillor

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed,
one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
- Garrison Keillor

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table -
There's nothing wrong with them,
but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
- Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory,
like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
- Garrison Keillor

A minister has to be able to read a clock.
At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast
and get the peas out of the freezer.
- Garrison Keillor

I want to resume the life of a shy person.
- Garrison Keillor

A book is a gift you can open again and again.
- Garrison Keillor

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a
lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
- Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and
the decades cannot improve.
- Garrison Keillor

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.
They seem not to notice us, hovering,
averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks,
but what we do for them is never wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire.
With air conditioning their windows were shut,
they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
- Garrison Keillor

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
- Garrison Keillor

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong,
all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
- Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you
wanted but getting what you have,
which once you have got it you may be smart enough
to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
- Garrison Keillor

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

My favorite show is America's Funniest Home Videos.
People will get hit on the head and I feel bad cause
I'm laughing my head off!
- Corbin Bleu

I was asked about doing a nude shoot for men's magazine GQ.
I thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard.
- Julie Walters

The show was written just for us.
We all thought we were the prettiest and the funniest.
- Dixie Carter

The thing that's great about those guys at Miramax
is the Weinstein brothers.
They are the two funniest guys I've ever met in my life.
- Ted Demme

Will Arnett is one of the funniest guys I know.
He has seen it all and done it all and come out the
other end pretty savvy and pretty strong.
- Jason Bateman

Everything is so funny in the movie.
The funniest thing about the movie is the transformations
they were able to make with the characters.
- Joe Viterelli

Racing Stripes was so much fun to do.
It's one of the funniest movies I've seen in a couple years.
- Bruce Greenwood

That's the funniest thing about portraying certain things on screen,
sitting next to your parents and they get to see this
glimpse of me kissing another guy.
- Kate Bosworth

The funniest thing happened in one of my first scenes.
In the beginning Emma was really arrogant and punk
and in every scene she would slam the door when she walked in or out.
- Dannii Minogue

My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

My way of joking is to tell the truth.
That's the funniest joke in the world.
- Muhammad Ali

I can't stand girls who laugh at everything I say like
I'm the funniest guy in the world.
I like girls who tell it like it is,
no kissing up to me because I'm on TV.
- Jeremy London

My best friend growing up really put the bug in my ear about acting.
We created this one hour-and-a-half improv play when
we were 10 or 11 and performed it at the library.
We just played off each other so well and had the best
time doing it and the funniest part was,
we wound up having packed houses, other people loved it too.
- Katherine Moennig

Especially with a comedy, you've got the clear cut
goal of trying to make a scene funny.
It's not like drama where you're trying to achieve
some kind of emotion or trying to further the story along.
You're trying to figure out what's the funniest way to do something.
- Luke Wilson

I'm shooting in Brooklyn, we've got all kinds of crap going on,
and I'm all alone now in a big hotel suite that you
can't believe the size of it and a thing sticks in
my foot and I just think it's the funniest thing that's ever happened to me.
- Danny DeVito

I got one letter at the very beginning,
like, in the first season, saying - from a woman who was very religious,
very Christian, saying how wrong she thought the show was,
but she thinks it's the funniest show on television.
- Sean Hayes

I talked to ex-wives of musicians of the '70s for research.
They're the funniest people in the world,
yet there is this sad, beautiful thing in their eyes
that says they've seen more than they could ever possibly tell you.
- Kate Hudson

There may be something good in silence.
It's a brand new thing.
You can hear the funniest little discussions,
if you keep turning the volume down.
Shut yourself up, and listen out loud.
- Wes Borland

I own four copies of Robin WIlliams's Live on Broadway comedy special for HBO.
One in Wilmington, one in L.A., one in my trailer,
and one at my parents' house.
I can watch it over and over again and it never gets old.
He is the funniest, wittiest man on the planet!
- Sophia Bush

I think we grew up thinking that the funniest things on TV were the old,
serious movies.
I always liked the Marx Brothers, but the thing that
always made us laugh were movies like Zero Hour.
That's what inspired us.
- David Zucker

May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day.
May songbirds serenade you every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue.
And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.
- Irish Blessing

In choosing joy, the finish line dissolves
into a different matter altogether.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

What power there is in our service when our actions
line up with our mission, skills and joy.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Not everyone is always going to like what you do.
Your job application, your book proposal,
your offer of marriage is going to
get rejected sometimes - perhaps often.
Your boss, your spouse, even the person
behind you in the supermarket checkout line
is occasionally going to think that you are doing it all wrong.
Don't take it personally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant

Do not quit!
Hundreds of times I have watched people throw in the
towel at the one-yard line while someone else comes
along and makes a fortune by just going that extra yard.
- E. Joseph Cossman

There is a fine line between
the perseverance of the courageous tortoise
and the habit of the stubborn donkey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

Most people give up just when
they're about to achieve success.
They quit on the one yard line.
They give up at the last minute of the game,
one foot from a winning touch down.
- Ross Perot

Life is a constant opponent,
and an overpowering adversary if attacked directly.
The successful and happy ones dance lightly with life -
a parry here, a feint there - always engaged,
but never in the direct line of life's heaviest blows.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life and death are one thread,
the same line viewed from different sides.
- Lao Tzu

It is better to lead from behind
and to put others in front,
especially when you celebrate victory
when nice things occur.
You take the front line when there is danger.
Then people will appreciate your leadership.
- Nelson Mandela

The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play.
- Arnold J. Toynbee

Wise are those who learn that the bottom line doesn't
always have to be their top priority.
- William Arthur Ward

He who draws noble delights from sentiments of poetry is a true poet,
though he has never written a line in all his life.
- George Sand

Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

I don't know anything about music.
In my line you don't have to.
- Elvis Presley

I'm not sure I can say there is a clean line between
me as an individual and me as a lawyer.
- Anita Hill

The details are the very source of expression in architecture.
But we are caught in a vice between art and the bottom line.
- Arthur Erickson

There is a fine line between perseverance and insanity.
At what point have you tried your best,
and it's time to do something different?
It's a balance - a paradox.
If you get in the habit of giving up
as soon as something gets difficult,
your life won't work,
but if you keep tilting at windmills -
madly trying the same thing again and again,
your life also won't work.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Could I have but a line a century hence crediting a
contribution to the advance of peace,
I would yield every honor which has been accorded by war.
- Douglas MacArthur

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy,
but that it is a bore.
It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.
- H. L. Mencken

Congress will pass a law restricting public comment
on the Internet to individuals who have spent a minimum
of one hour actually accomplishing a specific task while on line.
- Andy Grove


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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