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If cats were double the size they are now,
by Doug Coupland

If cats were double the size they are now,
they'd probably be illegal.
- Doug Coupland

Related topics: Pet

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that
you have too much free time.
- Doug Coupland

People are pretty forgiving when it comes to other people's families.
The only family that ever horrifies you is your own.
- Doug Coupland

It's very strange that most people don't care if their
knowledge of their family history only goes back three generations.
- Doug Coupland

 

I think the killers get far too much attention.
- Doug Coupland

On TV people look at your hair and then they look at your skin,
and then they look at your clothes, and by the time
they're listening to what you're saying,
you're off the screen.
- Doug Coupland

Making eye contact with adults while dressed as a clown is risky.
- Doug Coupland

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Once you establish a look, and once everybody recognizes that look as your look,
you never have to think about fashion again.
- Doug Coupland

Failure is authentic, and because it's authentic,
it's real and genuine, and because of that,
it's a pure state of being.
- Doug Coupland

I know it's not cat food, but what exactly is it that
they put inside of tinned ravioli?
- Doug Coupland

There are three things we cry about in life,
things that are lost, things that are found,
and things that are magnificent.
- Doug Coupland

Sometimes it feels as if everything in life is just
something we haul into the grave.
- Doug Coupland

Only losers make decisions when things are bad.
The time to rejig your life is the time when it's seemingly smooth.
- Doug Coupland

Flying dreams mean that you're doing the right thing with your life.
- Doug Coupland

Lottery tickets are a surtax on desperation.
- Doug Coupland

God is what keeps us together after the love is gone.
- Doug Coupland

Human beings are the only animal that thinks they change
who they are simply by moving to a different place.
Birds migrate, but it's not quite the same thing.
- Doug Coupland

The time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself.
- Doug Coupland

I think money is due for some sort of collapse.
People are going to realize that money has a half-life,
like radioactive elements.
- Doug Coupland

Your body isn't just a body.
It's an ecosystem.
- Doug Coupland

You wait for fate to bring about the changes in life
which you should be bringing about by yourself.
- Doug Coupland

Never loan a book to someone if you expect to get it back.
Loaning books is the same as giving them away.
- Doug Coupland

If you're not a tree hugger, then you're a what,
a tree hater?
- Doug Coupland

Depression is when you have lots of love,
but no one's taking.
- Doug Coupland

Technology favors horrible people.
- Doug Coupland

Figure out what it is in life you don't do well,
and then don't do it.
- Doug Coupland

I want pills called September 10.
You take one and your mind feels like the 11th never happened.
- Doug Coupland

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy
than an unspoken dress code?
- Doug Coupland

It's weird when people start sentences with 'frankly' -
as if their other sentences don't count.
- Doug Coupland

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished,
then it's a failure.
- Doug Coupland

Brain research tells us that only twenty percent of
human beings have a sense of irony,
which means that eighty percent of the world takes
everything at face value.
- Doug Coupland

When we constantly ask for miracles,
we're unraveling the fabric of the world.
A world of continuous miracles would not be a world,
it would be a cartoon.
- Doug Coupland

With Google I'm starting to burn out on knowing the answer to everything.
People in the year 2020 are going to be nostalgic for
the sensation of feeling clueless.
- Doug Coupland

If human beings had genuine courage,
they'd wear their costumes every day of the year,
not just on Halloween.
- Doug Coupland

Nature is one great big wood-chipper.
Sooner or later, everything shoots out the other end in a spray of blood,
bones and hair.
- Doug Coupland

Forget about being world famous, it's hard enough just
getting the automatic doors at the supermarket to acknowledge our existence.
- Doug Coupland

Your ability to rationalize your own bad deeds makes
you believe that the whole world is as amoral as you are.
- Doug Coupland

If your life had lyrics, would they be any good?
- Doug Coupland

The person who needs the other person the least in
a relationship is the stronger member.
- Doug Coupland

Being asked what animal you'd like to be is a trick question;
you're already an animal.
- Doug Coupland

Cloning is great.
If God made the original, then making copies should be fine.
- Doug Coupland

Feeling unique is no indication of uniqueness.
- Doug Coupland

I've got 911 on speed dial.
- Doug Coupland

Good-looking people with strong, fluoridated teeth
get things handed to them on platters.
- Doug Coupland

In the future, torture will once again become the recreational sport of the rich.
- Doug Coupland

It's difficult to speak with beautiful people.
No matter how hard you try to pretend otherwise,
you still want them to like you.
- Doug Coupland

You can only fall in love six times in your life.
Choose wisely.
- Doug Coupland

Once you see someone lose it, you can never look at them the same way again.
- Doug Coupland

There's a lot to be said for having a small manageable dream.
- Doug Coupland

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines:
three things the world could live completely without.
- Doug Coupland

Big companies are like marching bands.
Even if half the band is playing random notes,
it still sounds kind of like music.
The concealment of failure is built into them.
- Doug Coupland

Quick.
Name ten dead redheads.
- Doug Coupland

If I think too much about all of those Chinese factories
where all the stuff in a Wal-Mart is made,
I get that woozy feeling you get when you see ducks covered in crude oil.
- Doug Coupland

The future and eternity are two entirely different things.
- Doug Coupland

If you don't have a spiritual practice in place when times are good,
you can't expect to suddenly develop one during a moment of crisis.
- Doug Coupland

Most of us have only two or three genuinely interesting moments in our lives;
the rest is filler.
- Doug Coupland

The capacity for not feeling lonely can carry a very real price,
that of feeling nothing at all.
- Doug Coupland

Christmas makes everything twice as sad.
- Doug Coupland

I find it hard to believe that human beings are the
crowning achievement of life on earth.
Something better than us has to come along.
- Doug Coupland

In our heads we're all about 33 years old.
- Doug Coupland

Telling people they look relaxed makes them look relaxed.
- Doug Coupland

Thinking you're immortal is weirdly similar to being immortal.
- Doug Coupland

Royalty is either going to do very well with cloning,
or it's going to disappear completely.
- Doug Coupland

Canadians can easily 'pass for American' as long as
we don't accidentally use metric measurements or apologize when hit by a car.
- Doug Coupland

Gap clothing allows you to look like you're from nowhere and anywhere.
- Doug Coupland

Too much free time is certainly a monkey's paw in disguise.
Most people can't handle a structureless life.
- Doug Coupland

Blame is just a lazy person's way of making sense of chaos.
- Doug Coupland

Earth was not built for six billion people all running
around and being passionate about things.
The world was built for about two million people foraging for roots and grubs.
- Doug Coupland

Life always kills you in the end, but first it prevents
you from getting what you want.
- Doug Coupland

Birds are a miracle because they prove to us there is a finer,
simpler state of being which we may strive to attain.
- Doug Coupland

The modern economy isn't about the redistribution of wealth,
it's about the redistribution of time.
- Doug Coupland


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May the world be kind to you,
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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