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When buying and selling are controlled by legislation,
by P. J. O'Rourke

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation,
the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Related topics: Politics

Giving money and power to government is like giving
whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Staying married may have long-term benefits.
You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over
a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Every government is a parliament of whores.
The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
- P. J. O'Rourke

 

Feeling good about government is like looking on the
bright side of any catastrophe.
When you quit looking on the bright side,
the catastrophe is still there.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never wear anything that panics the cat.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration,
the rich will pay for everything.
The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration,
you're rich.
- P. J. O'Rourke

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Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts;
the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You may be surprised to discover you're rich,
especially if you're broke.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You know your children are growing up when they stop
asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
- P. J. O'Rourke

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and
left off for the rest of your life.
Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery
when they aren't present.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights.
Politics are a lousy way to get things done.
Politics are, like God's infinite mercy,
a last resort.
- P. J. O'Rourke

A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative.
Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There's one more terrifying fact about old people:
I'm going to be one soon.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody knows how to raise children,
except the people who have them.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Always read something that will make you look good
if you die in the middle of it.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health,
slow your mind, make you fat - in other words,
turn you into an adult.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer,
a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Whatever it is that the government does,
sensible Americans would prefer that the government
does it to somebody else.
This is the idea behind foreign policy.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter,
taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn.
The Republicans are the party that says government
doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting
dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes.
And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Children must be considered in a divorce considered
valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
- P. J. O'Rourke

America wasn't founded so that we could all be better.
America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk.
This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve,
when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Even very young children need to be informed about dying.
Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child.
This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose
with the exception of guppies,
who like to eat theirs.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure,
are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools -
and use it on the teachers.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern,
like bad wallpaper.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There is only one basic human right,
the right to do as you damn well please.
And with it comes the only basic human duty,
the duty to take the consequences.
- P. J. O'Rourke

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.
- P. J. O'Rourke

If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There is one thing women can never take away from men.
We die sooner.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
- P. J. O'Rourke

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents,
worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office.
And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The Clinton administration launched an attack on people
in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns.
Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns.
Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
- P. J. O'Rourke

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society.
If we're looking for the source of our troubles,
we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity,
ignorance, greed and love of power.
- P. J. O'Rourke

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a
party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself;
if that were their sole purpose,
they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
- P. J. O'Rourke

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience."
Then again,
I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience."
It makes me feel less stupid.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look.
It works in reverse, too.
When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose,
I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There are all sorts of cute puppy dogs,
but it doesn't stop people from going out and buying Dobermans.
- Angus Young

A budget tells us what we can't afford,
but it doesn't keep us from buying it.
- William Feather

Marrying an old bachelor is like buying second-hand furniture.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

What's unfortunate about buying a pitcher for $12 million
is that he carries no warranty.
- Bob Verdi

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
- Groucho Marx

The greatest pleasure when I started making money was
not buying cars or yachts but finding myself able to
have as many freshly typed drafts as possible.
- Gore Vidal

This city has many public squares, in which are situated
the markets and other places for buying and selling.
- Hernando Cortes

A book worth reading is worth buying.
- John Ruskin

Unfortunately, in collective bargaining one party or
the other too often tries to gain an advantage -
a bargain,
like buying something in a store for less than it is worth.
- Charles E. Wilson

Buying is a profound pleasure.
- Simone de Beauvoir

And the buying of new machinery meant not only the
possibility of production,
but even the new technology, 'cos as I mentioned before,
we were back of seven, eight years.
- Gianni Agnelli

Buying books was a way anyone could acquire a work of art for very little.
- Sol LeWitt

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's.
She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
- Steven Wright

We can serve our customers well only if our buying jobs are right.
You cannot sell if you haven't ordered wanted goods into your store.
- James Cash Penney

It seems only reasonable that the people have a right
to know virtually everything about the personality
they are buying each time they put their money through the box office.
- Alan Ladd

Being stuck in airports, you always end up buying perfume and sunglasses.
- Lexa Doig

The trade of banks is the buying and selling of interest and exchange.
- William Petty

My mum says, 'Go with your first instinct,'
but this can lead to impulse buying!
- Lindsay Lohan

And you know, we did it as an independent film,
and we weren't expecting it to be on television,
and Lifetime ended up buying it.
And the viewers responded intensely to that film.
- Jenna Elfman

It got to the point in the late 70s and early 80s that
I was spending so much money buying golden age comics
that I could only justify it if I got work in the media.
- Bill Mumy

Many an optimist has become rich by buying out a pessimist.
- Robert G. Allen

I think the big force is going to be consumer buying power.
- Roy Romer


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