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Alphonse Allais Quotes and Sayings
Quotes by Alphonse Allais

I hope you like this page of quotes by Alphonse Allais from my extensive collection of relationship quotes.

Statistics have shown that mortality increases perceptibly
in the military during wartime.
- Alphonse Allais

Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.
- Alphonse Allais

There are three types of lies -
lies, damn lies, and statistics.
- Benjamin Disraeli

Facts are stubborn things,
but statistics are more pliable.
- Laurence J. Peter

 

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing
unreliable facts from reliable figures.
- Evan Esar

Democracy is an abuse of statistics.
- Jorge Luis Borges

Statistics is the grammar of science.
- Karl Pearson

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You cannot feed the hungry on statistics.
- David Lloyd George

I could ask the Phillies to keep me on to add to my statistics,
but my love for the game won't let me do that.
- Mike Schmidt

It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of
the leading causes of statistics.
- Fletcher Knebel

For me, unemployment and poverty in the Greater Montreal
area is not mainly a problem of structure,
or design, or statistics.
It is a profoundly human situation.
- Kim Campbell

Statistics: the mathematical theory of ignorance.
- Morris Kline

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
- Stephen Leacock

There are three kinds of lies: lies,
damned lies,
and statistics.
- Benjamin Disraeli

We tell stories.
We talk about statistics.
And in 1978, we added an element of the show that gave it its heartbeat:
the long distance dedication.
- Casey Kasem

Statistics are the triumph of the quantitative method,
and the quantitative method is the victory of sterility and death.
- Hilaire Belloc

I think all of us certainly believed the statistics
which said that probably 88% chance of mission success
and maybe 96% chance of survival.
And we were willing to take those odds.
- Alan Shepard

Moreover, statistics can be deceiving:
the growth of jobs in the US in the 90s was due to many part-time jobs,
with no benefits and generally low pay.
- David Korten

Statistics suggest that when customers complain,
business owners and managers ought to get excited about it.
The complaining customer represents a huge opportunity for more business.
- Zig Ziglar

Be able to analyze statistics, which can be used to
support or undercut almost any argument.
- Marilyn vos Savant

Do we need to have 280 brands of breakfast cereal? No,
probably not.
But we have them for a reason - because some people like them.
It's the same with baseball statistics.
- Bill James

An unsophisticated forecaster uses statistics as a
drunken man uses lamp-posts -
for support rather than for illumination.
- Andrew Lang

He uses statistics like a drunk uses lamp-posts,
more for support than illumination.
- Romano Prodi

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
- Fletcher Knebel

There has been this - and it's reflected in the broadcasts -
this moronic use of statistics.
Which has suggested to everyone who is intelligent
the use of statistics is moronic.
- Michael Lewis

People with fertility problems are not alone.
It is a very very common problem for couples today.
I've seen statistics that are just staggering.
- Michael Zaslow

Danny and I wrote 10 songs in seven days,
which I thought might be close to the record until
you probably look at some of the Beatles statistics.
- Jerry Only

Statistics are used much like a drunk uses a lamppost:
for support,
not illumination.
- Vin Scully

There are over 500,000 registered sex offenders across the country,
and statistics have shown that the recidivism rate
for those criminals is high.
- Jim Sensenbrenner

Statistics are no substitute for judgment.
- Henry Clay

The individual source of the statistics may easily be the weakest link.
- Josiah Stamp

The type of measure used placed constraints on which statistics can be used.
- Stanley Smith Stevens

I never keep a scorecard or the batting averages.
I hate statistics.
What I got to know, I keep in my head.
- Dizzy Dean

Consumers are statistics.
Customers are people.
- Stanley Marcus

We already have the statistics for the future:
the growth percentages of pollution,
overpopulation, desertification.
The future is already in place.
- Gunther Grass

There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look
up and the kind you make up.
- Rex Stout

I've taught statistics, math courses and what I've
found is that often if you teach them algebraically the formulas,
you'll have one group of kids doing well.
- Robert Sternberg

The Government are very keen on amassing statistics -
they collect them,
add them, raise them to the nth power,
take the cube root and prepare wonderful diagrams.
- Josiah Stamp

Awards mean a lot, but they don't say it all.
The people in baseball mean more to me than statistics.
- Ernie Banks

Like dreams, statistics are a form of wish fulfillment.
- Jean Baudrillard

It stands, essentially, for the application of increased
energy to the efforts already undertaken by my ministry
since 1934 with the results shown in the above statistics.
- Hjalmar Schacht

There are some scary statistics out there:
one in five kids aged 10-17 have received a sexual
solicitation or approach via the Internet.
- Mark Kennedy

Statistics show that many people watch our show from the bedroom.
and people you ask into your bedroom have to be more
interesting than those you ask into your living room.
I kid you not!
- Jack Paar

I can prove anything by statistics except the truth.
- George Canning

If your experiment needs statistics,
you ought to have done a better experiment.
- Ernest Rutherford

The opposition has moved from a blaming the victim
to blaming the victim's advocate's statistics.
Irrespective of what the numbers are,
it's far too many.
- Patricia Ireland

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp posts -
for support rather than for illumination.
- Andrew Lang

Statistics are to baseball what a flaky crust is to Mom's apple pie.
- Harry Reasoner

We are just statistics, born to consume resources.
- Horace

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every
four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends.
If they're okay, then it's you.
- Rita Mae Brown

Our scientific age demands that we provide definitions,
measurements, and statistics in order to be taken seriously.
Yet most of the important things in life cannot be
precisely defined or measured.
Can we define or measure love, beauty,
friendship, or decency, for example?
- Dennis Prager

We were not given any statistics as to how many records
were pressed on the blue label.
I used to ask Bob Shad how we were going to get paid
from record sales and what I got for an answer was
not to worry about the business end of the deal.
- Phil Harris

However, don't let these statistics mislead you,
gang violence is not limited to California and or big urban areas -
that might have been true a while ago but it is no longer the case today.
- Bob Filner

Coughs seem very common here, especially among the children,
though people look strong and healthy,
but in the absence of proper statistics one cannot
undertake to say whether the district is a healthy one or not.
- Edward Burnett Tylor

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be.
Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans
are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
- Art Buchwald

Well, first of all the Dominion Bureau of Statistics
made a survey in the spring of 1970,
which showed that on balance the difference in the
cost of living between Canadian cities and American
cities was 5 % to the advantage,
of course, to the Canadian cities.
- Leonard Woodcock

We had kind of a rocky start, but I spent a lot of
time working with the President and handing him statistics
and showing him what we were doing as we went along
and kind of saying to him,
you know, this is really important.
- Bruce Babbitt

The ownership of computers in the home is far less
than the statistics show,
because usually when the computer breaks down once,
that is the end of it for a long, long time.
They do not have the money or incentive to get the computer repaired.
- Major Owens

I believe sanity and realism can be restored to the
teaching of Mathematical Statistics most easily and
directly by entrusting such teaching largely to men
and women who have had personal experience of research in the Natural Sciences.
- Ronald Fisher

The media transforms the great silence of things into its opposite.
Formerly constituting a secret, the real now talks constantly.
News reports, information, statistics,
and surveys are everywhere.
- Michel De Certeau

I never was brought into the league thinking as far as,
you know, statistics, things like that.
We were really brought into the league in a team concept.
Everything was focused around winning.
- Mark Messier

And with the rape, I was showing why the rape statistics are exaggerated,
and saying that date rape was much more complex than
the way feminists had portrayed it,
as men oppressing women.
- Warren Farrell

The statistics of life out there and the statistics
of intelligent beings and advanced civilization is a certainty,
the way I look at it.
It has not been accepted, because we've been in an anthropocentric era.
- Story Musgrave

You're trying too hard to find a correlation here.
You don't know these people, you don't know what they intended.
You try to compile statistics and correlate them to
a result that amounts to nothing more than speculation.
- Marc Racicot

In baseball, my theory is to strive for consistency,
not to worry about the numbers.
If you dwell on statistics you get shortsighted,
if you aim for consistency, the numbers will be there at the end.
- Tom Seaver

They read their sports pages, know their statistics
and either root like hell or boo our butts off.
I love it.
Give me vocal fans, pro or con, over the tourist types
who show up in Houston or Montreal and just sit there.
- Mike Schmidt

Life it is not just a series of calculations and a sum total of statistics,
it's about experience, it's about participation,
it is something more complex and more interesting than what is obvious.
- Daniel Libeskind

With my academic achievement in high school I was accepted
rather readily at Princeton and equally as fast at Yale,
but my test scores were not comparable to that of my classmates.
And that's been shown by statistics,
there are reasons for that -
there are cultural biases built into testing,
and that was one of the motivations for the concept
of affirmative action to try to balance out those effects.
- Sonia Sotomayor

See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil.
- Japanese pictorial maxim (the Three Wise Monkeys)

I have just three things to teach:
simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.
- Lao Tzu

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather


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