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Quotes about Too
by Dave Barry

No matter what happens, someone will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry

Related topics: Life Human-Nature Psychology

Your friends love you anyway.
- Dave Barry

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- Dave Barry

When trouble arises and things look bad,
there is always one individual who perceives a solution
and is willing to take command.
Very often, that individual is crazy.
- Dave Barry

 

You should not confuse your career with your life.
- Dave Barry

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
- Dave Barry

Bill Gates is a very rich man today...
and do you want to know why? The answer is one word:
versions.
- Dave Barry

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To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more
embarrassing than a parent.
- Dave Barry

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at
least 172 miles per hour upside down.
- Dave Barry

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
- Dave Barry

The Internet is the most important single development
in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
- Dave Barry

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup,
only less filling.
- Dave Barry

A person who is nice to you,
but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person.
- Dave Barry

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly
for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
- Dave Barry

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS,
because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
- Dave Barry

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person,
defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
- Dave Barry

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
- Dave Barry

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
- Dave Barry

I realize that I'm generalizing here,
but as is often the case when I generalize,
I don't care.
- Dave Barry

The simple truth is that balding African-American men
look cool when they shave their heads,
whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.
- Dave Barry

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
- Dave Barry

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season,
a deeply religious time that each of us observes,
in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
- Dave Barry

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric
company keeps sending us bills for it,
but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
- Dave Barry

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased
by experts who are not spending their own personal money.
- Dave Barry

For me, the worst part of playing golf,
by far, has always been hitting the ball.
- Dave Barry

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people,
but they have demonstrated time and again that they
have the management skills of celery.
- Dave Barry

If you were to open up a baby's head -
and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should -
you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.
- Dave Barry

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish,
and then it is disgusting.
- Dave Barry

The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
- Dave Barry

I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many
stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities
make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.
- Dave Barry

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent
of all accidents involving falling objects.
- Dave Barry

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take
their shirts off during games in Chicago in January,
only more intelligent.
- Dave Barry

People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick,
a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.
- Dave Barry

There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more
than an abridged dictionary.
- Dave Barry

To better understand why you need a personal computer,
let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
- Dave Barry

It always rains on tents.
Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles,
against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.
- Dave Barry

In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act,
which, as any American high school student can tell you,
was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.
- Dave Barry

The leading cause of death among fashion models is
falling through street grates.
- Dave Barry

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens,
but they will not purchase any product,
including floor wax, that has fat in it.
- Dave Barry

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who
idolized the Rolling Stones,
who in those days still had many of their original teeth.
- Dave Barry

Newspaper readership is declining like crazy.
In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
- Dave Barry

The real threat to whales is whaling,
which has endangered many whale species.
- Dave Barry

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted
to end the game as soon as possible.
- Dave Barry

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes,
according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer
organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.
- Dave Barry

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated,
so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
- Dave Barry

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn,
some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?
- Dave Barry

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person
may seem like an absolute scream to another person,
especially if he has had between four and seven beers.
- Dave Barry

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves.
You cannot turn on your television without seeing them,
although sometimes you have to hunt around.
- Dave Barry

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby.
This is also true of religion, although you will not
find me saying so in print.
- Dave Barry

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car,
in case the need should arise for them to bark violently
at nothing right in your ear.
- Dave Barry

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy,
overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody
who owns hideous clothing.
- Dave Barry

The Sixties are now considered a historical period,
just like the Roman Empire.
- Dave Barry

If you have a big enough dictionary,
just about everything is a word.
- Dave Barry

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace;
snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.
- Dave Barry

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with
people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
- Dave Barry

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices
on their podiums during prime time,
and I doubt that anybody would notice.
- Dave Barry

The information encoded in your DNA determines your
unique biological characteristics,
such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.
- Dave Barry

Eugene is located in western Oregon,
approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
- Dave Barry

In fact, when you get right down to it,
almost every explanation Man came up with for anything
until about 1926 was stupid.
- Dave Barry

'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.
- Dave Barry

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot
be explained by the laws of logic or science.
Dennis Rodman is only one example.
- Dave Barry

If you had to identify, in one word,
the reason why the human race has not achieved,
and never will achieve, its full potential,
that word would be 'meetings.'
- Dave Barry

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than,
for example, Dracula.
- Dave Barry

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island
that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.
- Dave Barry

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads,
he would have made them cute and furry.
- Dave Barry

You can only be young once.
But you can always be immature.
- Dave Barry

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.
- Dave Barry

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
- Dave Barry

And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8,
the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to,
and they came up with a new concept:
the West.
- Dave Barry

The problem with writing about religion is that you
run the risk of offending sincerely religious people,
and then they come after you with machetes.
- Dave Barry


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May the world be kind to you,
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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